What Do We Do with Our Fear?
I have always carried a lot of fear. Sometimes I use related words to refer to it, like anxiety or stress. Saying the word fear has all these negative connotations. There is often the assumption that to be afraid is to be weak or cowardly. The emotion of fear is a basic, primal component of being human, but we are often ashamed to express it out loud or even to express it to ourselves.
Fear and shame are linked because both of these feelings send us into spaces that are meant to be self-protective. When we are ashamed of something, we want to hide. We want to hide whatever it is that we are ashamed of and also hide ourselves. But hiding just reinforces shame. It becomes a cycle of more and more hiding. More and more pretending that we are not hiding.
Fear is nothing to be ashamed of because it is a universal human experience. Some of us carry immense amounts of fear because we have never learned what to do with it. Emotions do not go away simply because we want them to. All emotions stay with us until we process and move through them. Bottled up fear just creates stress - a chain reaction of new fears and old fears that can be triggered by any number of things. This causes us to react disproportionately to things in the present because we are carrying so much from the past.
There is a mentality that asserts we need to “push past” our fear. We need to “force” ourselves to do it anyway. I am learning that this is not the solution that works best for me. What works best for me is to choose self-compassion when I am afraid. Pushing past fear is another way of pushing fear down - suppression. When I can acknowledge my fear and name it, I can approach it from a space of love and compassion. Fear is not some stranger or some outside force. Fear comes from a part of me that wants to be protected. Sometimes it is connected to a part of me that has been hurt. Fear is part of me, and I have decided that every part of me is worthy of love. Every part of me deserves to be loved and understood by the rest of me.
When I approach my fear from a space of love and compassion, I can see and hear more clearly what message it is bringing. Sometimes it is an old message from old experiences. Sometimes it is a current situation. Usually it is a combination of both, plus fear of future unknowns.
With that same love and compassion, I can listen. I can embrace this part of myself in love. And those simple acts allow the fear to disperse either partially or completely. Then I can move forward with whatever it is I am working on, bringing this part of me along.
So what do I do with my fear? I make a conscious decision to love it. To love this part of myself and seek to bring it along. It is not a freedom FROM fear. It is freedom WITH fear. However, the fear is not strangling me or seeking to make my decisions for me.
The journey to love and compassion for all the different parts of my Self is neither easy nor complete. I am grateful for the progress I have made that helps me to remember progress is possible.
If you would like to make progress in your own love and self-compassion, I would be honored to walk alongside you as your coach. Use the “contact” page to request a conversation, and I look forward to working with you.
